Happy Sad

I never imagined that sending my middle boy to school would be this gut-wrenching. Today was Max's first day of 2's Preschool. My stomach was in knots all morning. When I made the decision to send Noah to an early preschool 2 years ago, the transition was made easy by the fact that he would have his cousin and best friend in the class with him. 

The idea of dropping Max off at a school where he knew no one made me seriously queasy. And, to be honest, I really like having my boys at home with me. The house is full and while there is chaos, the sweetness outweighs the craziness.  But Max loves being around other kids. And the more structured play is harder to give when there is a new little one at home. So we took the leap.

Max's first {First day of school Pic.}

Not a big fan of mom & me pics.

But loves pics with this one.

Noah went with me to drop Max off this morning. He was my moral support. The classroom was set up with 4 tables of Max's favorite things. Play-doh, trains, puzzles, and bubbles. The other kids in the class circled around the table with the play-doh and Noah tried to lead Max to an empty seat at this table. Instead Max ventured over to the puzzle table and sat at an empty seat on his own.

 I went over to him, gave him a hug and a kiss and told him I would be back soon. We left the building and stood at the window watching him. He stayed sitting alone at the empty table and I could see him looking around the room for me. Confused. I was crushed. Noah gave me good moral support through my tears as I drove back home. It was much harder on me than I anticipated. After an hour at home Noah asked me if he could call Max's school and "see how it was going over there with Max." My sweet 4 year old was clearly the mini parent on the homefront today. We were back again in a few short hours for pick up. I was so excited for this moment. The teacher opened the classroom door and the kids were all lined up in a row. Max made eye contact with me and sprinted from the line. He had a huge smile on his face and shouted "mama, mama". I scooped him up and looked at him, his shirt covered in paint from a fun morning, and me in my baby spit up one from a baby-filled morning, and knew I had made the right decision for Max. 

Noah is on his second week of school and loving it.

I seem to have added more sugar to his diet celebrating how much I miss him every day when I pick him up.

My babies are growing up and I am experiencing letting go one small chapter at a time. Their happiness at their experiences brings the joy. But there is still a helping of sadness mixed in. It's a strange thing, really. Happy and sad at the same time.  Happiness for the big things they are experiencing. Sadness seeing my babies in those little boys. I think this is what most parents must feel as their kids grow. Knowing that their time away grows more each year I will continue to make the most of each day that they are here at home. And be happy {sad}. But mostly happy.