This Little Light of Mine

Today was Noah's Meet the Teacher Day at his Preschool. It went better then I even expected. Noah started playing the second we got there and didn't want to leave at the end. He played with his friends and sometimes even played by himself. He was sweet as can be to his teacher and proclaimed "mommy I like school" on the drive home. He was really happy. So explain this giant knot in my stomach? Well for starters, he is 2. Still my baby. My little person that likes to cuddle with me in front of cartoons. But also this little person that is growing up before my eyes and mastering skills and concepts with each passing day.

And with the arrival of your little buddy, we have been doing more cartoons and less challenging you. So that is why I made the decision to go back to work one day a week. To send you to this school that I think will make you really really happy. Circle time, songs, stories, all these things you adore. And if they let you be the leader? I can see your smile now.

So back to the knot in my stomach. There was one point today where I saw you across the classroom. I saw you but you couldn't see me.

And you looked around and I could see you mouthing mommy over and over and your lower lip started to quiver. I hurried over as the tears started to fall. That keeps replaying in my head and I can't help but think that this is a first. The first time I've left you not for the sake of me having to, but merely for the sake of you. And I've said a million times and a million times tonight that if you are not happy I will pull you out in an instant. Because this is supposed to only be hard on me. And only be happiness for you.

Did I mention that this is only 2 days a week for 3 hours? I think I will write my first weepy novel when you start kindergarten Noah.

What I want to say to you as you start your very first school is that you have the greatest light about you.

And as much as I want to keep it to myself

I'm going to let you shine.